We don't move on from grief, we move forward with it as part of us. We are who we are today because they existed and they still exist within us. there will always be times, dates and events that are painful and they will always be painful, no matter how time passes and how long it has been and this is what people misunderstand. Once the first year is over, people expect you to also to forget, to move past the pain of loosing someone, but it just isn't like that. Their presence is in everything you do because it has moulded you into the person you are. Time makes it easier to handle on a daily basis, but it doesn't make it evaporate.
Hayley Gough tells the story of the sad death of Lance Shingler in her own words:
I feel it’s important to share mine and Lances story as it’s important to highlight that suicide isn’t the only part of there story.. I feel there’s a need to highlight that from the outside someone can look perfectly fine and healthy but on the inside there struggling. That it isn’t just that one person who ends there life who has there life turned upside down, it’s the family and friends of that person.. it’s the answers we’re left needing.. I want to raise awareness for military suicide and the failings they encounter.. being part of the fallen means I have a support network and I have people who completely understand how I’m feeling..
My partner Lance took his own life back in Feb this year and although it’s been hard I still remember the amazing person he was and will always be remembered for.. I met Lance on remembrance day 2010. From the day I met him he was a cheeky, mischievous and beautiful soul. He was quite honest and open about his Military past but also the down falls of his early career. We fell pregnant with our little boy Riley very early on and on the 14/8/2011 I gave birth to our beautiful boy.. Lance never left my side at all throughout the 2 days I was in hospital and was amazing throughout even though I was the one who had to hold HIS hand when I had my epidural as needles were his biggest fear.. Lance was absolutely besotted with his son and the bond they developed was something that only grew stronger every day. In Feb 2013 we found we was pregnant with our little girl Elliey-Jaye and again Lance was delighted with the thought of our second child.
That morning I went in to Labour on 22/10/2013. As I was sat on our bed with contractions every 5 minutes, Lance thought it was an appropriate time to run himself a lovely warm bath.. but I couldn’t be angry as this was typical Lance.. we got to hospital and again Lance didn’t leave my side, we nearly lost our little girl as her heart rate was deteriorating rapidly but Lance was amazing throughout.. the moment his little girl was born he instantly fell in love with her.. from that moment on we was complete. I had the perfect family. Our children had a dad they could be proud of, he worked hard every day to provide for us and even with his deteriorating mental health he still stepped up and provided for us working long hours and weeks to give us the life our children deserved. Lance was very impulsive and sometimes made decisions he would later regret and in 2015 we split for a period of time but I always knew Lance was the one for me, and later got back together.
Even in the time we split Lance was an amazing dad to Riley and Elliey-Jaye.. trying to describe Lance in a few words is merely impossible. He was funny and always trying to sing or dance but had no rhythm what so ever.. he always took us on random road trips and gave us so many adventures we can look back on. He was a good friend to many and you always knew when Lance was in the room. Purely for the fact you could maybe hear his big mouth or him telling his many stories. He was such a handsome man and got a lot of attention from women which he loved and played up to.. he used to drive me insane with the crap he would watch on TV and even started getting Riley in to the same kind of stuff so they would have boy only days and have movie marathons just the 2 of them.. him and Elliey were so close to the point he was the first person she would look for coming out of school, they would sit down together talking about each other’s days and she was his little princess. She could do no wrong and had him wrapped round his little finger.
He was the go-to person when they wanted anything and he always gave in to them. Talking about how much I miss him makes me think about even his annoying traits.. they way he would get biscuit crumbs in the bed, the way he would sing over song in the car or when watching a film he would repeat every word, his grumpy moods when he was having a bad day, and anyone who got in his way would feel his wrath.. he was in no way shape or form an angel and he would be the first to admit it.. when Lance was on the warpath, everyone would know it.. Lance was vocal when he didn’t agree with something and didn’t mind voicing his opinion.. and that’s what he’s hugely respected for, you always knew where you stood with him. He was the most loyal person and if you did him wrong then that was on you.. to have Lance on your side then he would back you to the very end.. he taught our children what it meant to be loved unconditionally, he showed them what it meant to be a hard worker and earn everything you own, he showed them to have respect for people and to know when your in the wrong and apologise. If I could do the last 10 years all over again then I would do it in a heartbeat..
In many ways I chose the perfect man to have my children with and I know what it felt like to be in love and even though we had a ups and downs, he was mine and I was his.. our children have the bravest and most beautiful soul to look up to and regardless of his failings and being let down, he fought every day, right to the very end and for that I will be eternally grateful of him.. he was a joker and the life and soul of any room he was in. He is massively missed by everyone who knew him and the void he’s left behind will never be filled.